Tuesday, October 25

Udah lama nih - kerjaan dulu

It feels like ages I don't write anything in this blog. Well, I wanted too, but I just had no time to do it and there's no Internet connection in my house or kost2xan.

Anyway, gue udah pindah kerja dari Embassy 3 bulan yang lalu. Sekarang gue udah menjalani pekerjaan yang lebih baik dari Embassy, walo kadang cukup bosan juga krn kerjaannya di belakang meja terus, sementara I sometimes think that I could do better than this routine work. Kalo diliat dari gaji, emang kantor baru gue ini lebih besar gajinya. Cuma tetep yah, dasarnya manusia yg gak ada puasnya, gue masih kepengen nyari yg lain. Bukan masalah gaji, tapi dari segi kualitas pekerjaan yg if someone asked me to see myself 5 years from now, I don't see that I go anywhere else but here. Stuck banget, kecuali gue punya background engineering and gue bisa apply melamar jadi project manager-nya. Kalo ini kan, gue gak ada background apapun.

Speaking about Embassy, when I left, I did something that quite "menggemparkan" krn gue mengirim imel yg menceritakan segala kebusukan Udhy, Windy, Michelle plus Ron Hartley. Denger2x Ron ampe dipanggil DCM krn hal ini, tapi namanya juga American, pasti akan tetep membela American. Jadi, imel gue gak ada tindak lanjutnya, sementara Ron bilang ke orang2x kalo imel gue is nothing but a crap. Well, I don't really give a fuck, yg penting gue udah keluar, and gue udah menceritakan beban2x yg ada di kepala & jiwa gue.

Sekarang sih gue masih tetep keep in touch ama anak2x Embassy, maish sering hang out untuk dinner after office hour. Yah, pokoknya ketauan deh mana yg temen baik mana yg gak. Gue inget, waktu itu gue dateng ngeliat orang2x maen bowling di EX, eh ada mbak Ade Amex. Wuaduuuuuuuuuh, buang muka bo ngeliat gue, pura2x gak liat gitu. Well, gue sih sama sekali gak ada masalah digituin, secara gue ngerasa gak pernah ngerugiin hidup dia. Lucu aja gitu ngeliatnya, wong dia gak ada di imel gue, tapi kok dia yg sewot. Mungkin krn Michelle itu temen akrabnya yah, makanya dia benci banget liat gue. Sementara Fonny & mbak Etha aja masih makan malem ama gue, padahal mereka terutama Fonny itu karibnya Windy banget, tapi still they could separate it kok. Heran deh gue..

Waktu awal2x gue disini, I surely miss the time waktu gue ama orang2x Embassy, ketawa2x gak terkendali di kantor, di courtyard, Snack Bar, pokoknya bener2x yg lepas bebas gitu. Kalo disini, selain gak ada orang2x gila yg sealiran ama gue, orangnya jaim2x trus gak ada yg diatas 45an gitu, jadi kebayang betapa egosentrisnya mereka kan ?/

Gue disini benar2x menjadi seorang yg menghindari sekali office politic, gak ada tuh yg namanya ketawa ketiwi, haha hihi ama orang2x disini. Gue ngumpul ama mereka, itupun ngomongin kerjaan, bukan personal life. Gue belajar banyak banget dari Embassy, jadi gue gak mau ada yg namanya intrik2x, stabbing from the back gitu. Gue lebih seneng ngendon di cubical gue, get busy with myself and belajar dari komputer.Oya, disini, everything runs from your own desk. Gue jarang banget bergerak, jadi kebayang lah betapa gendutnya gue, mana doyan banget ama ngemil, lengkap deh !!

Yg awalnya gue takutkan waktu pindah adl jam kerja. Gara2x kemakan cerita Irene, krn dia pulang kadang jam 9, trus wiken kerja, jadi no social life at all, huaduh, itu bener2x bikin gue stress berat. Gue ini kan seneng banget bersosialisasi, jadi denger kata2x bahwa gue harus kerja juga di wiken, asli gue langsung kepikiran. Buat gue, sosialisasi and jam tidur itu sama sekali gak bisa dibeli dg uang. Untungnya gue bisa mengatur waktu gue, dan lagipula, gue beda section ama Irene, jadi gue masih bisa lebih rileks. Gue bisa pulang teng go, paling telat setengah ampe 1 jam dari teori, trus wiken bisa leha2x di rumah and gak 24 jam on call. Yg enaknya lagi, pulsa telfon dibayarin full. Jadi mau berapa pun tagihannya, pasti akan tetep dibayarin.

Well, lebih dari itu sih, gak ada lagi yg special dari kerjaan gue. Kadang gue kangen sih ama suasana Embassy, krn disana lebih banyak bule yg keren, sementara kalo disini, walopun expat tapi gak bule. Ada bule pun, itupun udah tua ato jelek, jadi bener2x gak ada yg bisa diliat deh, and satu lagi, dah pada nikah semua. Grrrrrrr....

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Monday, June 13

so damn stress !!

For over a week, I'm so under stress, thinking about the future, changing job, office's situation. I don't want everything falls apart. I mean, I think I'm doing a right thing in explaining what kinda situation I have in my office to someone that I believe would probably do something about it. The problem is my "bule" boss who couldn't be objective and always take on their side, which is quite difficult for me or him maybe to move on for a follow up investigation. Well, I'm not expecting too much for that, but i think it'd be good if he could do it, so they would stop whatever they are doing rite now.

The stress on me doesn't stop there.. I had a big argument with my mom, and I just couldn't believe that she could do that to her own daughter. Instead of giving me a big full of support, she's thinking the other way around. Knowing the fact is quite annoying and it really made me sad, you know. If she was someone else, I couldn't careless about it, but it's my mom, a woman who delivered me to this beautiful yet painful world.

Almost everynite, I slept around 12-1, I just couldn't sleep at all. I lose words, keep sighing all da time. I don't know what to do, I'm confused.. It really affect my ulcer, and my digestive system and eating to me these days is somewhat an obligation instead of eating because I want it to.

In 1,5 hours my life is about to change and I hope that I could stay. In a first place, I never wanna leave the Embassy, but I just have to leave this office, I'm sitting on a hot seat. I wish I could get that job, but if the answer no, thou I'm not prepared, I think I have to accept it and take the outside job. I'm still waiting for a miracle from God, but if I think about my mom, I couldn't compete with her. God will take on her side, I believe that 100%.

This is a difficult situation I face now, a very tough one..

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Wednesday, June 1

I could fall in love

It might be too early to say it, but I have to admit that I couldn't get him outta my mind. I'm happy with this feeling, cause finally I could get rid of B's totally from my head. I'm so happy that I could finally have this feeling again. He's so sweet.. But to be honest, thou all I want is having fun with him, I can't deny that I have feeling for him. He attracted me since the minute I saw him. There's something in him which I didn't know what it is but made me wanna know more about him. I thank God for giving me the chance to know him and spend time with him. Up to this moment, I just spent 1 time with him, but on that one time, I could tell that he's a very nice guy and most important thing is, I feel so comfy being around him and the way we communicate, it just click, feels like we've known each other for a long time.

I'm just so happy these days, despite that I don't get the HR job for the 2nd time, but having him in my life, is a thing that I should thank the Lord.


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