..gue bingung..

Ya, gue bingung ama perasaan gue sendiri.. Sabtu lalu, setelah farewell party gue di 9 Clouds dan dilanjut ke public, pas balik ke rumah, gue langsung tertidur, tapi gue asli gak nyenyak banget tidurnya Seoerti ada yg kosong gituh, mungkin krn gue ngerasa kehilangan yg cukup sangat dg sosok ryan..

Dlm 2 bulan ini, ya setelah nokia blues party itu, gue yg deket banget ama dia & gue bisa cerita apapun ke dia even a thing which I don't tell to my parents nor my friends, but I could tell it to him without any feeling that he would think of me differently nor would tell it to the whole world. I can trust him, the same as he could trust me. -- i'm in my desk and i'm in tears, dammit !! --

Gue tau kalo gue udah cukup ketergantungan dan terbiasa being him around me or the other way around and I have to let it go very soon. Gue tau banget, kalo gue udah mulai ada rasa sayang ke dia dan gue gak boleh let it grow any bigger. He's my best friend and he's married with 2 daughters and I shouldn't let myself have feeling for him more than what a best friend should have.

Gue kepengen gak perlu ngebahas hal2x kayak gini krn makin lama dibahas makin pusing ajah, tapi gue masih ada yg ngeganjel kalo belum bilang ke orangnya. Walo gue tau dia banget secara tipikal kita berdua sedikit sama, tapi gue tetep gak bisa nebak reaksi apa yg bakal dia kasih kalo gue bilang "I care about you more than just a best friend yet I don't wanna let this feeling grow any longer. I still wanna see you, I still wanna have what we have right now, but if I decide to leave you because I love you, please don't mad at me.." Whoaaaaaaaa, that would be the devastated day of my life, I guess..

I just don't wanna live in denial for the second time. I don't want what had happened with Byron, now happen again with him. Gue gak mau, amat sangat tidak mau..

..gue bingung..

..second day at the office..

Hari kedua di kantor baru.. Kemaren berjalan cukup lancar. Gue dapet laptop baru, HP Compaq nc6400 yg notabene lebih imut dari IBM T43 gue yg sering blue screen. Trus, gue juga dapet Racom Card, kayak SecureID gitu. Gue ternyata juga dapet no baru, tapi berhubung gue udah ngejual hp nokia yg 6670 itu hari minggu, mau gak mau gue harus mencari hp baru utk handset si nomer ini. Sementara gue lagi kepengen banget beli CDMA, biar lebih irit. Hmmm, harus cari hp yg bisa dipake utk CDMA & GSM nih. Gapapa deh, bolak balik buka utk ganti SIM Card, tokh ini juga bakal berlangsung ampe 6 bulan aja. Janjinya, gue setelah 6 bulan akan dipermanenkan. Well, Insya Allah yaaaaaaa...

Gue dah dikenalin ama temen2x seruangan gue. Boooo, disini emang tiap partisi terisi orang, tapi sepi banget. Asli, mereka itu serius sekali bekerjanya. Gak ada musik sama sekali yg keluar dari laptop dan gue gak denger ada orang yg tertawa2x lepas kayak gue di Nokia dulu. Gue kemaren ditelponin G & Dheva ampe harus keluar ruangan, krn mereka yg tertawa puas gitu ngerjain gue yg harus jaim.

Whoaaaaaaa, gue gak rela denger mereka tertawa puas sementara gue harus yg menata nada suara getoh. Sialan banget mereka ituh, but I miss them.. Miss the laughter, miss the crazy moment.

Anyway, berhubung ini udah di pagi hari ketiga secara gue lupa nge-publish ini kemaren, jadilah gue udah agak2x lupa apa yg mau gue tulis. Oya, gue ingeeeettttt !!

Kemaren jam 2 siang, gue di-brief ama pak Jeffri mengenai kerjaan yg harus gue lakukan and that's so damn complicated. It's quite a challenge krn gue harus ngecompile data dari 2 report dan gimana caranya supaya dia gak bingung liat itu report *gubrax* Gue kan gak jago excel, apalagi rumus2x & formula yg ngejelimet itu, tapi gue harus ngerjainnya. Whoaaaaaaa, doakeun semoga gue bisa ngerjainnya deh. Mana ada deadline-nya segala, yg satu weekly dan yg satu daily, trus gue harus upload di server.

Gue sebenernya rada pesimis, tapi everything should be done with full of confidence, right ? Jadi tugas hari ini adl untuk mencoba kutak katik itu excel sheet.

Huaduuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh.............

..second day at the office..

..2 more days to go..

Yep, that's right.. 2 more days to go and I'm out from Nokia Networks after joining for almost 2 years, precisely is 20 months.. So many good memories but in the end, I have to end it up with arguing with Sandy and he's assigned to become my boss for 2 months only. Personality, he's ok, but when it comes to work, I can't stand any longer. Gue gak mau sok tau ato gimana, tapi he's my boss and he suppose to know stuffs more than me.. He should've the knowledge as he's more experience in Nokia tools compare to me which just involving with this project world less than a year.

Sometimes I miss Anu & her guidance which to some people has a strong personality & can't be flexible, but to me, she's my wall, she still defend me & she could give me answer of all questions I ask, at least if she doesn't know, she'd find out for me. Totally different with Sandy.

Tapi gue juga sedih ninggalin temen2x gue disini. Pertemanan disini enak banget and compare they're the greatest !! Mungkin krn di Embassy gue susah mencari yg seumuran, paling cuma the icons yg deket, sementara kalo disini rata2x seumuran jadi pola pikir nyambung & rata2x gue berteman ama engineers yg 100% cowok, jadi gokil banget !!

Mungkin the most person I'm gonna miss besides Lany & Grace is Ryan.. Gak tau juga kenapa bisa deket banget ama dia. Gue berasa back to college times, dimana gue bisa cerita gokil2xan, bener2x lepas tanpa beban. Yg gue sebel, udah tau kalo gue bakal keilangan, eh pake diomongin segala ama dia semalem. Gue kan yg jadi kepikiran gitu, jadi berasa sedih banget.. Gimana coba kalo gue lagi stress, pengen ngerokok bareng, pengen curhat tapi gak ada orang yg kayak dia di kantor baru ? Sebeeeeelllllll...

Makanya gue alihkan aja kalo gue akan selalu nonton basket tiap selasa, trus kan bisa ketemuan untuk ngopi2x. Cuma, can't deny kalo semalem pas nyampe rumah, gue jadi kepikiran gitu. Eh, tadi pagi dia juga bilang kalo dia kepikiran juga. Uuuuuuuuugh, gue kan jadi makin mellow.

Udah ah, gue gak mau ngebahas Ryan lagi.. Bisa2x gue makin menjadi sedihnya :(

..2 more days to go..