so damn stress !!

For over a week, I'm so under stress, thinking about the future, changing job, office's situation. I don't want everything falls apart. I mean, I think I'm doing a right thing in explaining what kinda situation I have in my office to someone that I believe would probably do something about it. The problem is my "bule" boss who couldn't be objective and always take on their side, which is quite difficult for me or him maybe to move on for a follow up investigation. Well, I'm not expecting too much for that, but i think it'd be good if he could do it, so they would stop whatever they are doing rite now.

The stress on me doesn't stop there.. I had a big argument with my mom, and I just couldn't believe that she could do that to her own daughter. Instead of giving me a big full of support, she's thinking the other way around. Knowing the fact is quite annoying and it really made me sad, you know. If she was someone else, I couldn't careless about it, but it's my mom, a woman who delivered me to this beautiful yet painful world.

Almost everynite, I slept around 12-1, I just couldn't sleep at all. I lose words, keep sighing all da time. I don't know what to do, I'm confused.. It really affect my ulcer, and my digestive system and eating to me these days is somewhat an obligation instead of eating because I want it to.

In 1,5 hours my life is about to change and I hope that I could stay. In a first place, I never wanna leave the Embassy, but I just have to leave this office, I'm sitting on a hot seat. I wish I could get that job, but if the answer no, thou I'm not prepared, I think I have to accept it and take the outside job. I'm still waiting for a miracle from God, but if I think about my mom, I couldn't compete with her. God will take on her side, I believe that 100%.

This is a difficult situation I face now, a very tough one..

so damn stress !!

I could fall in love

It might be too early to say it, but I have to admit that I couldn't get him outta my mind. I'm happy with this feeling, cause finally I could get rid of B's totally from my head. I'm so happy that I could finally have this feeling again. He's so sweet.. But to be honest, thou all I want is having fun with him, I can't deny that I have feeling for him. He attracted me since the minute I saw him. There's something in him which I didn't know what it is but made me wanna know more about him. I thank God for giving me the chance to know him and spend time with him. Up to this moment, I just spent 1 time with him, but on that one time, I could tell that he's a very nice guy and most important thing is, I feel so comfy being around him and the way we communicate, it just click, feels like we've known each other for a long time.

I'm just so happy these days, despite that I don't get the HR job for the 2nd time, but having him in my life, is a thing that I should thank the Lord.

I could fall in love

So that's how it goes now

Gue gak abis pikir, even up to this second i write this, exactly apa yg di pikiran mereka ampe mereka berusaha ngejatuhin gue sedemikian mungkin. Apalagi yg namanya Windy, huaduuuuh, dia tuh dalang dari semua ini. Kalo gue pikir2x, kayaknya gue gak pernah tuh punya masalah ama dia, bahkan gue pun dg secara terang2xan digeser dari posisi sekretaris dan dibuatkan posisi baru, semata2x supaya Windy bisa masuk lagi ke kantor ini. Tapi ya kok dia masih kurang puas & pengen membuat gue setidak nyaman mungkin. Apa mungkin dia tau kalo gue itu tau affair yg dijalin antara dia dan udhy ? Oya, udhy ini supervisor gue yg dulu gue harapkan untuk bisa berpikir obyektif, tapi setahun belakangan ini, krn affair yg dijalin ama Windy sudah makin kuat, jadilah dia gak bisa berpikir obyektif lagi. Apapun yg diomongin windy, pasti akan dia beli. Jadi dia itu udah bener2x kepengaruh dan udah gak bisa berpikir pake akal sehatnya lagi.

Mereka sekarang udah terang2xan pacaran di kantor, dah gak ada urat malunya lagi. Gue sih udah gak peduli lagi, udah cuek mau ngapain aja. Buat gue, mereka don't exist. Emang sih udhy itu supervisor gue, tapi gue gak takut. Bukannya gue nantang atau gimana, tapi jangan anggap remeh gue krn gue bisa melakukan hal2x yg mereka pikir I have no guts for doing such thing. Bisa dibilang gue banyak punya bukti kuat penyimpangan2x yg dilakukan udhy, baik dari segi personal atopun dari sisi kerjaan.

And pada kenyataan i found out kalo gue dalam masa "di-rese-in" sama udhy, gue gak mau ambil pusing. Mau dia gak ngajak ngomong gue, mau dia gak ngasih gue kerjaan, i don't give a fuck. Kalo dia pikir dia bisa meng-abolish posisi gue, eits, nanti dulu, gue mesti ada perhitungan dulu sama dia.

Terlalu banyak berita2x gak bener yg beredar yg intinya Michelle, Windy & Ita terancam dg keberadaan gue. Yg katanya gue itu ada deal sama udhy untuk dapetin posisi ini. Seumur2x, gue gak pernah ada deal apapun ama udhy. Gue heran, mereka dapet berita itu darimana. Gue rasa, kuping & otak Michelle itu harus dibedah deh, krn kalo berita2x aneh kayak gini pasti sumbernya dari Michelle.

Udah ilang yg namanya amarah dari diri gue. Gue sih cuma pengen tau, sampe seberapa lama mereka berkuasa disini. Gue yakin 100% kalo saat ini mereka lagi berpesta pora karena sedang memegang tampuk kekuasaan, tapi semua ini gak akan bertahan lama. Gue pun udah gak ada sopan2xnya lagi ama mereka, krn gue bukan penjilat, apalagi menjilat orang2x yg tipenya kayak mereka. Na'udzubillah min dzalik.

So that's how it goes now