Monday, April 28

..demi cinta..

kata orang, demi cinta, kamu rela melakukan segalanya..
kaki di kepala, dan kepala dijadikan kaki
kata orang juga, if you love someone, you'll set them free..
kalo jodoh kan gak lari kemana

kalo kata gue, semuanya itu hanya kata-kata berbunga sebagai penghiburan hati..
kata gue juga, kalo kamu memang mencintai seseorang dengan sepenuh hati dan segenap jiwa, sebisa mungkin kamu tidak akan pernah melepaskannya..

kata gue, manusia itu bukan Tuhan, jadi sejatinya membuat kesalahan..
dan sejatinya lagi, jika ada orang yang berbuat kesalahan, bukan hanya dimaafkan, tapi diberitahu dimana letak kesalahannya, supaya gak melakukan kesalahan yang sama..
jika memang orang itu mengagungkan & mengatasnamakan tindakannya demi cinta, maka seharusnya orang yang melakukan kesalahan itu dibimbing, bukannya malah dijauhkan dan dilepaskan..

menurut gue, cinta itu hanya ungkapan kata kiasan yang jika diucapkan berulang-ulang, akan hilang maknanya..
hanya orang yang mengucapkan kata cinta, yang tahu benar, seberapa besar kadar cinta yang ia miliki,
dan hanya ia juga yang mengetahui apakah cinta itu hanya cinta sesaat, cinta sejati atau cinta palsu alias cinta pura-pura..

kata gue, semakin sering orang mengucapkan kata "cinta" ke dirimu, maka semakin terlihat betapa palsu dan hambar ucapannya..
kata gue, cinta itu tidak diungkapkan dengan kata-kata berbunga, melainkan dengan tindakan..
menurut gue, tidak ada yang namanya cinta suci, karena semua itu diukur dengan untung - rugi
dan gue yakin, hanya sebagian kecil orang yang menjalin kasih tanpa pamrih, dimana semuanya dilakukan memang karena dasar cinta
semua orang pasti punya "hidden agenda" dan hanya ia serta Tuhan yang tahu, apa agenda tersembunyinya itu

cinta hanya membuat orang sengsara & menderita
hanya akal pikiranlah yang bisa membuat kita bahagia dan itu tidak ada hubungannya sama sekali dengan cinta & perasaan..


(..ditujukan bagi orang-orang yang mengagungkan cinta tapi bertindak sebaliknya, orang-orang yang mempertanyakan makna cinta, dan orang-orang yang tidak mempercayai cinta sama sekali..)

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..sepenggal puisiku di pagi hari..

................................

Atas nama cinta

Semuanya dipertaruhkan

Namun ketika rasa percaya tak lagi ada

Haruskah kita terus bertahan ?

.................................


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Friday, April 25

..an email to my dear, meldhya..

Dear Meldhy,

First of all, I'd like you to know that my condition in writing this is far away from being emotional, no more anger, not even sad, just being so calm.

This morning, when you said you wanna keep a distance with me, I think it answers all my thoughts & doubts I had lately. Ever since last week, when you wanna have my permission to go out for a movie with Erna, I already questioned myself about you and of course, about us. This case might be cleared on that nite, but it got me thinking, although not pretty hard. Then, later this week, when you were going to Bekasi and I asked you for how long you'd gonna hide me in front of your family and you just asked me to be patient, it adds another drop of thought that I almost forget. Yesterday, when I walked from the office to PIM for buying a mail box, those questions & the thoughts played ragingly in my head again. And this morning, when you said you would come & go with me tonite but wanted to leave early, with reason that somehow I felt it just a made-up one.

I don't know, Mel.. Sometimes I'm tired being so high temper, dealing with stuffs which I shouldn't deal with, and sometimes, I'm longing to have my life back. The life where I shouldn't have to worry about other people besides my family. The life where I could be me, where I could do whatever I want, without having to be so dependent with others. But then I said to myself, perhaps I should go through this with whatever reason behind it. And if you wanna know something, mel, the more I get to know you and the more I attach with you, the more I want you to be a part of my life yet the more unclearer future I'll have with you.

You might called me that I worry to much, worry of things that might not be happening at all. You probably would say that I have to think in a positive way, but I just can't. Every night I talk to myself, that I felt like I'm heading to nowhere land. Every night too, I keep asking the same question, what agenda you have towards me, because everybody has one. And from that question, my assumption begins. Please know that it's not an accusation nor a bad prophecy about you, but it's purely an assumption that I had since I felt I know nothing about you. Those assumption really freaks me out, mel.. I really hope it's not true, but I don't know, sometimes your act kinda show me that it is true.

Anyway, maybe you're doing the right thing for wanting to keep a distance with me. I never have any intention to push you, but if you felt that way, I truly am sorry. You could take as much time as you want, I won't have any objection against it. I will accept it, and if in the end, you wanna break up with me, I'll understand.

Thanks for everything you've done towards me. No matter what, I can't deny and fool myself that having you in my life for these 4 months has given me an uncomparable joy and brought me happiness. I'm being grateful to God for ever introducing me to a person like you.

I love you and I'm sorry for ever hurting you.

- yulia -

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