..singa betina di negeri singa..

Hari ini gue berulang tahun. Sejak lahir hingga tahun lalu, gue selalu dikeliling teman-teman dan keluarga setiap ulang tahun, baik perayaan pas teng jam 12 bersama mereka, surprise party di kantor atau cuma ngumpul dan makan bersama. Intinya, gue gak pernah sendiri merayakan hari kelahiran gue.

Tahun ini, gue ingin sesuatu yang beda. Gue ingin sendiri. Sebenernya, gue udah lama pengen sendiri di hari ulang tahun, tapi baru kesampaiannya sekarang. Dulu, gue pengen melipir ke Bali and just sat around the beach (thou I ain't a beach person). Hari ini, gue melipirnya ke negeri singa alias singapura.

Gue merayakannya dengan datang ke eksibisi Harry Potter. Gue seperti anak kecil yang sangat campur aduk perasaannya. Segala fantasi yang gue dapat dari buku dan film, gue bawa ke pameran itu. And you know what? I was about to cry! Gue seperti mimpi berada di dalam ruang pameran itu. My heart went faster and I didn't care if someone said I was exaggerating thing, but that's what happened. Setiap detil gue perhatikan dan saking gak kepengennya gue keluar dari ruangan itu, gue sampe balik lagi ke titik awal pameran. I wanna stay inside forever. I just didn't wanna go out from that room but I had too :(

Kelar dari pameran, gue ke hotel, istirahat bentar dan abis maghrib, langsung keluar lagi untuk cari makan malam, balik hotel and here I am, writing this blog :)

Too me, age is just 2 digits number. It doesn't show your maturity. It is absolut that you're gonna get old. But how mature you are in dealing with getting older and especially, dealing with life, that's what matter most.

Gue tidak ingin berkontemplasi dengan diri di hari yang konon kata adalah hari spesial, karena kontemplasi sebenarnya bisa dilakukan kapan pun :) And being honest, I can't think of anything else but lotsa things to be done and places to go to. O yeah, plus ibu. Itu yang ada di pikiran gue saat ini.

Kalau membicarakan ibu, hanya ada 1 kewajiban yang belum gue tunaikan :) Memang, hidup gue hanya untuk ibu dan apapun yang dia mau, sebisa mungkin gue wujudkan. Tapi untuk yang 1 itu, bukannya gue gak mau usaha u/ mewujudkannya, tapi gue udah males & capek, I'm totally sucks in that department. Setiap kali berhubungan, mostly broke up krn gag sesuai dg yg diinginkan ibu. Jadi, gue udah gag mau ribet.

Banyak yg bilang kalo it's good to have a partner that you can share life with and they all say that once you met the person, then you just know that person is the right one for you. Those who think who knew me said that I have to open my eyes & my heart. O well.. Sometimes I do that, but then I realize that I shouldn't let my wall that I built so tall to fall, especially when I knew that he's not what my mom wants. I'm faraway for being a traumatic person, as I'm just being realistic. Besides, I hate myself when I start to raise some hopes, do those future thingy and bla bla bla you know the rest.. As a Leo, I forbid myself to be so weak :)

Jadi, walau gue tau ada orang yang suka ama gue, gue akan berusaha sebisa mungkin untuk tidak terlalu let myself into it because I knew I fall too easily, that's why I don't wanna start anything when I knew it's going nowhere. That's one of reasons I'm building my wall too. I don't care if I hurt him, but he should've known that I won't open myself (although I feel I want to) unless he knows for sure that he could give me what I want, what my mom wants.

Might be complicated but I choose mom over a man. I choose her over some random guy who comes-and-goes and share his feeling to me. My mom is my life and whatever I do, it's for her :)

Anyway, maybe there will come a time for me untuk menunaikan kewajiban gue yang tertunda, tapi for the time being, I just wanna enjoy my life. Far from being complicated. Just me, work and travelling..

-me-
*from a small hotel's room*

..singa betina di negeri singa..